My emotions have just been spiralling down these days; I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m such a bad Muslim. I’ve committed so many sins and some sins are just very hard to stop committing. Such as having a boyfriend whom I love. Visiting the sheikh made me so sad because of all that I’ve done…I feel like he can see right through me sometimes.
And we fight alot these days. Not fiery fights of heated angry, more like silent fall outs and sadness. Every fight makes me miss him more and I just hate to hurt him so.
And my cousin just bumped into me and him today which made it worse because what if my parents find out?
Two more weeks and he’ll be off in the army camp and I just need every moment while it lasts. Steel myself, for I’m going to miss him so.
And my studies…I’m just so dead depressed about it and my As is coming and I haven’t visited my friends and I know I’ve to visit them soon or they’ll get mad.
I can’t wax poetic about these because it’s just too dramatic. My worries and feelings are nothing compared to what others suffer so I shouldn’t be so down but I am.
I didn’t know it’ll hurt so much to fight with him.
With us, it’s not fights. It’s the non-fights. The expelling of air, the intake of breath.
The sudden physical distance, and in his case, a sudden need to sleep.
Quiet anger coursing through me and this unsettling sense of being degraded. I sometimes feel so dirty and impure, polluted like an ocean filled with plastic bags and oil. This vast ocean of sadness, regret, shame and bitterness.
I had grown up too fast.
(Source: chicandrebel, via sheimean)
(via daylight-dreams)
(Source: desire-to-succeed, via a-n-i-m-a-l-p-l-a-n-e-t)
how strange it is to be anything at all: (XIV)
Feeling nostalgia for something you’ve never felt,
as if your skin would uncover
your subconscious if you were able to taste it.
(a small list of things I miss)
sitting on my father’s shoulders so I could see the fireworks,
how sweet water tastes after swimming in salt,
and what it was…
(via anditslove)
(Source: youjustyou, via anditslove)
(via anditslove)
(via iamadeofchalk)
